Why are blondes more fun?

Cos you can tell them the same joke twice

Why are blondes more fun?

Cos you can tell them the same joke twice

Whats noiser than one cat stuck in a tree?

Two cats.

:|

Rosita deserved to win Idol 2005. *cough*

I saw this in a joke book:

What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel.

:|

How is that a joke? A towel does get wetter as it dries... Am I missing something?

For a long time this is the only joke I could remember:

Q. What do you call a man with a piece of wood on his head?
A. Ed Wood.
Q. What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?
A. Edward Wood.
Q. What do you call a man with three pieces of wood on his head?
A. Edward Woodward.
Q. What do you call a man with four pieces of wood on his head?
A. I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.

*cringes*

Remember this from the movie 'Catch Me If You Can'?

Carl Hanratty: Well, would you like to hear me tell a joke?
Earl Amdursky: Yeah. Yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.
Carl Hanratty: Knock knock.
Earl Amdursky: Who's there?
Carl Hanratty: Go f*** yourselves.

Today? Tha name of Alaina's thread "Back and Roaring to go" Cheesy.

Here's one that got my friend crying at lunchtime today :

Me: I didn't know you took Chinese lessons!

Friend: I did

Me: Since when?

Friend: The last time I had a lesson was when I was like *puts hand out* knee-high

Me: Knee-high. Ni hau. HAHAHAHAHAHA

*lame*

Several married couples are dead and are sent to heaven. Before letting them all enter the gates, God said "Okay, men who are in charge and are considered the boss of their family, line up on this left aisle. The men who have their wives in charge of everything, line up on the right aisle. All the wives follow St Peter to lobby number two."

So everyone started to move around looking for their lines. God noticed that only ONE man was standing on the left aisle. Angered, God says "what is the matter with all you guys on the right aisle? I made men to be the leaders of their tribe, I made them strong enough to carry on every challenges they encounter. I am ashamed of you all! Look at this man in the left aisle, even though he is just one, he makes me proud. You should all look up to him! Well, good man, what have you got to say for yourself?

The lone good man says "Uhh.. I don't really know what to say, my wife told me to stand here."

Heres one I read...

A school sends home a letter to parents telling them how much the school fees are likely to be for the forthcoming year. There was a spelling mistake, so instead of saying, "pay $200 per annum", it said, "pay $200 per anum"

A parent wrote back and said, "yeh, I think I'd still rather pay through the nose"

I've heard soooo many bad ones i dont know how to pick one! :S

I think a couple of years ago, researchers set out to find the funniest joke. Here is offically the worlds funniest joke, (based on research)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

More info - http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/

Here's another one...

Q. What's E.T short for?

A. Because he has little legs!

Here's another one from the research that people found funny -

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakee Watson up.

"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says, "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"

Why did ET come to New Zealand? becoz the nz all blacks said come-e.t come e.t

whats the diff between brocoli and snot? kids will eat snot

man lying nude on a beach, sexy girl comes play drums on his bum cheeks, what are you doing, playing drums, man rolls over adn says now play trombone!!

wen god made mad she found she had a tiny bit left over. she put itin a very inconspicuous place and for a joke she made sure it only worked occasionally....what should i call this teeny useless organ she said.. i know i willc lal it hi brain!!!

man comes home from pub very late adn a bery drunk wife says ok smart arse explain that lipstick on your collar,f****** easy he said i used the shirt to wipe my penis.

a drunk fobby samoan walking home one night from the pub passes a nunalong the way and he smacks the nuns face and shouts "you not tough now aye batman"

one blonde asks another which is furthur london or the moon, the other replies "well can u see london"

lmao

What are the similarities between a plum and an elephant?

They're both purple except for the elephant

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

A guy came out of his house after exuberantly happy. Some one passed him and asked why he was so happy all of a sudden. He replied 'I just did this puzzle that say 2-3 years and I did it in 6 months!'

LOL

Did you hear Disney's making a new underwater film set in New Orleans?

It's called "Finding Negro".

Oh man, I know it's wrong but I couldn't stop laughing when my brother told me that. I'm sorry and this was just an excuse to tell it again.

my mum just came in with the lamest joke...

"What's invisible and smells like banana's?"

"A Monkey fart"

i could tell oodles of Ethiopian jokes but its not PC nowdays

how do u catch a unique bird?

u neek up on it....

everyone knows this one.......

What do you call 4 Maori guys standing in a row?

a punga fence

Q...What goes round in circles on ur Kitchen floor?

A...A mouse on a motorbike

Q......How do you tell the mouse is in ur Fridge?

A.... Motorbike parked outside

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To attach itself to Jesse's chin.

The real answer is to see if it had any guts, but my answer is funnier.